


Too Late to Go Back

by The_Alice_Killer



Series: One-Shots [49]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22706557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Alice_Killer/pseuds/The_Alice_Killer
Summary: Sayo says something mean to Hina. Hina can't get those words out of her head and things take a turn for the worse."I wish we weren't sisters."Who knew a few simple words could change everything?
Relationships: Hikawa Hina & Hikawa Sayo
Series: One-Shots [49]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1343500
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Too Late to Go Back

**Author's Note:**

> This contains suicide and self-harm

It was just another normal day for the Hikawa twins. Another day of them going through a pretty daily routine, much to Sayo’s disliking.

“Hey, Onee-chan!” Hina burst into Sayo’s room, not even bothering to knock or announce herself first.

“Hina! I thought I told you to stop barging into my room!” Sayo growled. She had been doing work that was due the next day. She didn’t take the distraction very well, if her frown was any indicator.

“I just wanted to tell you something.” Hina stated, still bouncing in place hyperly.

“I’m busy. Go away.” Sayo stood up and pushed Hina out of the room.

“But, it’ll only take a minute.” Hina protested.

“Go away. I have better things to do than listen to you blab on about stuff that doesn’t matter.” Sayo said as she slammed her door shut and locked it.

…

“Hey, Onee-chan! Lookie! I drew us!” Hina smiled as she shoved a picture into Sayo’s face.

The picture was… interesting, to say the least. Hina wasn’t the neatest at drawing. It looked like she had rushed to finish it.

“Why?” Sayo asked.

“Because. I thought it would be a nice gift to give you. For the great live you guys just had.” Hina explained.

Sayo took the drawing. She looked it over. She wasn’t sure what to say.

“Thanks?” Sayo just raised an eyebrow at Hina.

“You’re welcome!” Hina didn’t seem to get her tone wasn’t one of joy.

After Hina had left the house, Sayo threw the picture away. She didn’t want it. It wasn’t something she’d ever see herself enjoying.

Hina found it in the trash when she came back. She picked it up and put it in her room. She was sad that Sayo didn’t want it. All she wanted was to make her happy. All she ever seemed to do was frown. Why couldn’t she make her smile for once?

…

“Hey! You wanna go shopping with me?” Hina popped her head into Sayo’s room.

“Are you going to the street vendors?” Sayo asked as she glanced over at Hina.

Hina nodded, “Yep! They looked so cool when I saw them before!”

“I’m not going. You can take someone else.” Sayo said.

“Aw… but I wanna go with you.” Hina pouted.

“I’m not interested.” Sayo stated.

…

Hina had no clue what to do. All she wanted was to make Sayo smile. She hadn’t seen her smile in so long. It would be nice to see it again. Hina just didn’t know what to do.

“Onee-chan?” Hina entered Sayo’s room again.

“What?” Sayo sighed. No matter what she did, Hina never knocked before entering.

“How come you never smile?” Hina asked.

“What’s there to smile about?”

“I’ve been trying to make you smile and you always just push me away. Didn’t anything I do make you happy?” Hina asked quietly.

“No. You’re so annoying. Why would you ever make me happy?” Sayo growled, “I wish we weren’t sisters.”

Hina couldn’t do anything but just stare. She had no idea how to react to that.

“I-I see… I-I’ll leave you alone.” Hina stammered and quickly left the room.

Sayo sighed. She didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Sure, it was annoying to have Hina around, but now that she thought about it, she didn’t know how she would live without her. It was just normal to have Hina bugging her all the time. To not have that would be strange now.

Sayo wasn’t sure how Hina would take the statement. She guessed that after a day or two, Hina would be back to normal. Back to bugging her and trying to make her take it back. Trying to show her that she did want her as a sister.

Except, that never happened.

It was just after practice. Sayo was walking home. She had left the other members at their respective locations. Sayo entered her house. She was surprised to not see Hina anywhere. Normally she was home by now and waiting for her. Then again, she had been avoiding her ever since the outburst.

“Hina?” Sayo called, “I’m home.”

They had discussed going out together to eat. Their parents wouldn’t be home until very late and neither really wanted to cook. Sayo didn’t get a response from Hina.

“Hina?” Sayo headed up to her room.

Still no response. Sayo knocked on her door. She was again met with silence. Perhaps Hina wasn’t home? No. She would’ve texted saying so. Sayo’s phone had no messages. Hina had to be home.

Sayo knocked again, “I’m coming in.”

She opened the door. Her eyes scanned the room. What they found wasn’t something she ever wanted to see. Hina was home. But, not in the way Sayo had imagined.

“Hina!” Sayo ran over to her.

Hina was slumped over beside her bed. Beside her were two things. An empty bottle and a note. At just a quick glance, it was obvious the bottle had once contained pills.

Sayo didn’t pay it any mind. She was shaking Hina, begging her to wake up. Sayo pulled her phone out and called for an ambulance. Tears were streaming down her face as she checked Hina for a pulse. There was nothing.

It took only minutes for the ambulance to arrive and take Hina away. Only minutes for Sayo’s fears to come true. They confirmed Hina was dead. There was nothing they could do. It was too late.

Sayo stayed on the floor, crying. This wasn’t what she wanted. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was always supposed to be the two of them. They were supposed to always be together. Even if they fought a lot, this wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

After a few minutes, Sayo grabbed the note. She didn’t want to read it. She knew it would hurt, but she knew she had to. It was there for a reason. To be read. Most likely by Sayo.

_Dear Sayo,_

_Hey, onee-chan. If you’re reading this, then I guess I did it. After you told me how you felt, I started to think about what might make you smile. I’ve just wanted you to smile like you used to. I guess you don’t want me around. So, now that I’m gone (right? I didn’t get found before I was dead?) I hope you’ll be happier. All I’ve ever wanted was to see you smile again. Heh. I’m repeating myself, aren’t I? It’s really weird writing this, but I don’t just want to leave you without explaining why. If me not being there anymore makes you happier, then I’ll gladly leave. I’m sorry you didn’t like me being there. Also, can you tell Pastel*Palettes I’m sorry about leaving them? I feel bad about leaving them. I’m sure they’ll find someone else, though. They won’t let them go on without someone to play guitar, so they’ll get someone new before long._

_I’m sorry about leaving this all up to you to explain to everyone, but I just couldn’t find a way that felt right. I considered texting Aya and telling her what I was doing, but I got scared. What if she would’ve stopped me? I don’t want to be stopped. (Please say I wasn’t)._

_Love, Hina_

_P.S. Stapled to this note is that picture I drew for you a while ago. I saw that you threw it away, so I just took it back. I thought you’d might like it now._

Sayo couldn’t wrap her mind around what she had just read. She didn’t realize Hina was just trying to try and bring things back to how they used to be. Sayo flipped the page to look at the picture. She started crying again as she gripped it tightly.

Sayo took a few deep breaths to try and calm herself. She needed to pull herself together again. She had to deal with what happened. She couldn’t keep crying over it. First thing first, she had to tell her parents about this. Sayo texted them and told them she would talk later. She wasn’t sure she could handle a phone call right now.

Sayo picked up the pill bottle. She sighed and tossed it into the trash. She removed the picture from the note and hung it up in her room. Sayo stuffed the note in her pocket and headed for the door. She threw on her shoes and a jacket and started walking. She needed someone right now.

It wasn’t normal for her to go to others for help, but this was a different story. This wasn’t something she could handle on her own. She needed support. Sayo wasn’t sure who to go to. She eventually decided on Lisa. Lisa was pretty nice, so it seemed like a good idea to talk to her.

Sayo rung the doorbell to Lisa’s house. Lisa’s mom answered the door.

“Oh, Sayo. It’s rare of you to drop by. Lisa’s in her room. You can go up.” Her mom let her in without any question.

“Thank you.” Sayo said as she stepped inside.

She took off her shoes and jacket and went to Lisa’s room. She took a few minutes to try and compose herself. Sayo was surprised Lisa’s mom hadn’t asked if everything was okay. Sayo could only imagine how she looked. Her facade wasn’t on. She couldn’t hide how she felt right now. It was too much to cover up.

Sayo knocked and cracked open the door, “Imai-san?”

“Sayo? What’re you doing here?” Lisa was sitting on her bed, a journal of some sort on her lap. She was confused. Sayo always made sure to give an advanced notice if she was planning to drop by someone’s house.

Sayo just stepped into the room and shut the door. She wasn’t sure what to say. How was she supposed to start this. Like, hey, Lisa, my sister just killed herself because of me? No. She couldn’t say that.

Sayo grabbed the note from her pocket. She felt tears trying to come out again. Sayo pulled out the note and held it out. Lisa gave her a confused look as she grabbed the note. Lisa was about to open it and read it, when Sayo broke down. She couldn’t keep it in. She started sobbing and fell to her knees.

“Sayo!” Lisa knelt beside her and pulled her into a hug, “What’s wrong?”

“Note… read the note…” Sayo was too choked up on tears to speak very well.

Lisa kept an arm around Sayo as she read the note. Her eyes widened as she read through it. Lisa set it down and hugged Sayo tightly. Sayo gripped the front of her shirt tightly. She was shaking as she continued to sob.

“I’m so sorry… I can’t imagine how you feel.” Lisa whispered.

“It’s my fault… it’s all my fault…” Sayo cried.

“It’s not. It’s not your fault. You wouldn’t have known she’d have done that.” Lisa defended.

Sayo didn’t reply. She just clung tighter to Lisa. Lisa did her best to comfort Sayo. It was a little strange to be doing that to her, but she definitely needed it. Lisa was debating if she should ask anyone else to come over. She didn’t know if having all of Roselia here would be a good thing or a bad thing.

“Do you want me to call anyone else over?” Lisa asked.

Sayo shook her head. Lisa accepted the answer. She kept trying to help Sayo calm down. It took quite some time before she had calmed enough. Lisa pulled her to her feet.

“Let’s sit.” Lisa said as she sat on her bed. Sayo hesitantly took a seat beside her.

Lisa picked up the note and set it out of sight for now. They didn’t need that reminder there. They sat in silence for a while. Lisa wasn’t sure what to say.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Lisa eventually asked.

“I guess…”

“Take your time. I don’t want you to upset yourself again.” Lisa said.

Sayo didn’t talk for a while. Lisa didn’t mind and she certainly wasn’t about to push her to talk. It was rare to see her cry and Lisa didn’t want to have another outburst if she could help it. It hurt her to see someone close to her suffering when there was nothing she could do for them. There was only so much she could offer Sayo. She couldn’t bring Hina back, though. She couldn’t make this better.

“I yelled at Hina one day and I told her I wished we weren’t sisters…” Sayo mumbled, “I meant it differently than how it came out. She… she started avoiding me. So much that I couldn’t even tell her I didn’t mean it. And I didn’t really think anything of it, because, you know how she is. I thought she’d come around after a day or two. And then… that happened…”

“I see… I probably would’ve been the same way.” Lisa said, “I still can’t believe she’d really do that.”

“It’s my fault. I should’ve talked to her no matter how much she avoided me.” Sayo sighed.

“Stop saying that,” Lisa lightly smacked Sayo on the back of her head, “It’s not your fault this happened. Like I said, I probably would’ve thought the same way you did. You couldn’t have predicted this would’ve happened.”

“But if I told her then maybe she would’ve done something else… it’s my fault. I know it is.”

Lisa smacked her again, a little harder this time, “Stop it. I will hit you every time you say that. You are not at fault. I refuse to let you say otherwise.”

Sayo said nothing more for a while. Lisa briefly left the room to get them drinks and some snacks. She had a feeling they’d be having a sleepover. Well, Lisa wasn’t letting Sayo leave in her condition. She was staying whether she agreed or not.

Lisa came back and handed Sayo a glass of water. Sayo mumbled a thanks and sipped at it. Lisa glanced over at Sayo as she drank her own drink.

“How am I going to tell the others?” Sayo whispered, “Especially, how am I supposed to break the news to her band?”

“I’m not sure. Why don’t we think about it. We can tell them together.” Lisa replied.

“No. I have to tell them.” Sayo shook her head.

“You sure? I’ll gladly help you tell people.” Lisa was a bit concerned by the refusal.

“I have to do it myself… it’s what she wanted.” Sayo whispered.

“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you brought someone with you. At least for support?” Lisa reasoned.

“I want to be alone.”

“Just let me know if you change your mind.” Lisa knew she wasn’t going to win this fight.

“I should head home.” Sayo went to stand up.

“No!” Lisa tugged her back, “Um… I just… I think you should stay for tonight.”

“You aren’t going to take no for an answer, are you?” Sayo asked.

“If you really insist on going home, I won’t stop you, but I’d like for you to stay here for the night. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone than all alone? Especially since… it happened there.” Lisa said.

Sayo thought over it for a while, “I guess one night won’t hurt.”

“Okay. Um… you could borrow some of my clothes for the night. Unless you want to run home?”

“These clothes are fine.” Sayo insisted.

“But they were what you wore for practice. They’ll be all dirty and full of sweat. You should change.” Lisa stated.

“Fine…” Sayo sighed.

“So, you wanna find something in my closet?” Lisa asked.

“I guess.” Sayo shrugged.

“I’ll see what I can find.” Lisa got that Sayo wasn’t going to move, so she went and started looking in her closet.

She found a shirt and pants that she thought would fit well enough. Lisa handed them to Sayo. Sayo stared at them for a while. She didn’t make any movement to change.

“Want me to step out?” Lisa asked, trying to push things along. It was weird seeing Sayo so lifeless.

Sayo didn’t reply. Lisa was starting to wonder if she wasn’t really there. She couldn’t blame her if she was spacing out. Lisa cautiously tapped Sayo on the shoulder. Sayo turned and looked at her. Lisa was shocked at how she looked. She looked broken and defeated.

“Come on. At least change. I get you’re suffering, but moving around will help.” Lisa said.

Sayo set the clothes she had been given to the side. Lisa sighed. This wasn’t going how she had planned.

“Please change into them.” Lisa begged.

Sayo glanced at the clothes. She didn’t make any moves to grab them, though. Lisa wasn’t too sure what else she could do to get her to have a bit more life in her.

“If you don’t change I’ll force you to myself.” Lisa threatened.

Sayo finally picked up the clothes again. She slowly started changing. Lisa looked away to give her some privacy. But, she kept glancing back because she didn’t think Sayo would tell her when she was done.

“Lisa?”

Lisa turned around quickly. It was rare for Sayo to not be formal around her.

“What’s up?” Lisa asked.

“My parents are going to call soon…”

“Oh. Um… I could talk to them for you, if you'd like.” Lisa offered.

Sayo nodded. She pulled out her phone and set it down on the bed. Lisa guessed they’d be the ones calling her. Sayo finished changing and then they sat down again. It took a few minutes, and then her phone started ringing. Lisa looked and saw it was her parents.

“Do you want to hear it or should I step out?” Lisa asked. She didn’t want to make Sayo have to remember anything if she didn’t have to.

“Out.”

“Okay. Feel free to do whatever.” Lisa took her phone and stepped out into the hallway.

She walked a little bit away. She didn’t want her conversation to flow through the door. Lisa took a deep breath and picked up the phone.

Sayo was still just sitting on the bed. She was staring at nothing. She felt so empty inside. She couldn’t find the strength or will to do anything. Sayo sighed as she laid down on the bed. She stared up at the ceiling.

She could hear the muffled voice of Lisa. She couldn’t make out anything she was saying, though. Sayo wondered how her parents were taking this. She didn’t know. She also wasn’t sure how they’d react to her not being the one talking.

Sayo closed her eyes. Images of the event were popping into her head. She tried to make them stop, but it was hard. Sayo felt some stray tears fall down her face. She quickly wiped them away. She needed to stop crying. She had to be strong.

Sayo tried to think of other things to take her mind off of everything. Unfortunately, her mind started showing her the few nice times she had with Hina. That was not what she had been wanting to see. She needed to forget about Hina for the moment. She needed something else to focus on instead.

The phone call lasted a long time. Lisa struggled to explain what had happened. She didn’t know too much. And she definitely was not asking Sayo to explain right now. That just wasn’t something she could bring herself to do. She had to try and shield her from things that could bring back those memories.

After they hung up, Lisa went back to her room. She knocked and then entered. Sayo was still on the bed. She had fallen asleep at some point. Lisa set her phone down on her desk and then sat on the bed. She sighed. This was tough. She didn’t know how to handle this.

…

The next morning started off slow. Lisa hadn’t wanted to disturb Sayo, so she made herself a bed on the floor. She woke up first. Lisa looked at her messages. She panicked when she realized they were supposed to have practice today. There was no way that Sayo would be able to participate. That wasn’t a big deal, but trying to explain why was.

Lisa went and shook Sayo awake. Sayo sat up. She still was lifeless. Nothing really had changed.

“So… um… how’re you doing?” Lisa asked, unsure how to get to the topic she needed.

“...” Sayo said nothing. She stared blankly at Lisa.

“Still not good, huh? Well, um, why don’t we go get something to eat?” Lisa suggested.

“I’m not hungry.” Sayo mumbled.

“At least eat something.” Lisa pleaded.

Sayo shook her head. Lisa sighed. At least Sayo was still somewhat like herself. Lisa would be more concerned if she didn’t fight back at all to anything. That would mean something was very wrong.

“Well… we have practice today…” Lisa said, “I know you aren’t going, but what are you going to tell them?”

“Family problems.”

“Alright. Well, will you at least come down to the kitchen with me?” Lisa asked.

“I guess.” Sayo sighed and got up.

“Are you going to head home soon?” Lisa asked.

“I guess I should.” Sayo replied.

“Do you wanna walk there together?”

“No. I’m fine going by myself.” Sayo stated.

“Okay.”

…

A week had passed. Roselia was starting to ask questions now. Sayo had just said family problems as her reason for not showing up, but never went farther than that. The other three started asking what exactly these problems were, but Sayo gave no answer. In fact, she hadn’t texted anyone since then.

“Hey, Lisa? Do you know what’s up with Sayo?” Yukina asked as they were leaving practice.

“She told you what’s wrong.” Lisa replied.

“You don’t seem as worried about her. You know more, right?”

“U-um…” Lisa didn’t realize she had seemed suspicious.

“Why won’t you tell us? Why won’t she? I know I said there is no place for personal matters in the band, but this is obviously serious.” Yukina said.

“Please, Lisa. If you know, you need to tell us.” Ako piped in.

“It’s about Hina.” Lisa said.

“Oh. I heard no one’s seen her for a while. Did something bad happen to her?” Ako asked.

Lisa nodded, “Yeah. And Sayo’s taking it hard.”

“What happened to her? Is she missing?” Rinko asked.

“Um… she’s not missing.” Lisa replied. She wasn’t sure if she should tell them the truth.

“Then where is she? No one’s been able to reach her. She doesn’t answer her phone or anything.” Ako asked.

“She can’t.” Lisa said.

“Is she hurt?” Yukina asked.

“Kind of?” Lisa offered.

“Is she in the hospital?” Ako questioned.

“No.”

“She’s at home?” Rinko guessed.

“No…” Lisa didn’t think she could bat around the bush for much longer.

“But she’s not missing… so then where is she?” Yukina asked.

“U-um… s-she… she’s um, gone.” Lisa said.

“What do you mean?” Ako asked.

Lisa sighed, “She… she’s dead.”

The response was met with silence. They all stood in place and stared at Lisa. Lisa felt awkward. She didn’t like this at all.

“What happened to her?” Yukina asked.

“She killed herself.”

“Why?” Ako asked, “She was always so happy. What happened?”

“I shouldn’t tell you. It’s not my place.” Lisa said. She more or less just wasn’t sure how they’d react to the reasoning. What if they blamed Sayo?

“It’s obvious that Sayo won’t tell us, so please?” Ako begged.

Lisa sighed, “Let’s talk somewhere more private.”

They went to Lisa’s house after a bit of discussion. They were all sitting in her room. Lisa wasn’t sure how to tell them the story. She still wasn’t too sure herself about what happened.

“So… Sayo yelled at her and said she wished they weren’t sisters. Hina took it the wrong way. I think Sayo meant she wished they weren’t twins. So, um… she killed herself. In her note she said if it made Sayo happy, she was fine with leaving.” Lisa eventually said.

“How’d you find this out?” Yukina asked.

“She told me. She came here the day it happened and… yeah.” Lisa said.

“We should go see her.” Ako declared, “To make sure she’s okay.”

“I don’t think all of us bombarding her will go over well.” Lisa replied.

“Come on. We can’t just not go see her now.” Ako defended.

“Ako-chan…” Rinko said, “She knows the most. I think you should listen to her.”

Ako pouted, “Fine… you really think all of us going to see her would be bad, though? I don’t get it.”

“I assume it’s because she’s more sensitive. She doesn’t want to be seen that way. Am I right?” Yukina said.

“Yeah. I doubt she’d want everyone to see her. And, you wouldn’t be able to bring up Hina at all. I don’t think she’d like that very much.” Lisa said.

“Well, someone should go see her. She hasn’t left her house since then, right?” Ako said.

“Who should go?” Lisa asked.

“Well, Lisa, you’re the one who knows what’s going on. I think it would be best if you went.” Yukina stated.

“Alright. I guess I can go check on her.” Lisa agreed.

…

Lisa was standing outside of Sayo’s house. She hadn’t made any attempt to ring the bell. She was nervous. Should she have texted Sayo first? Would she have even read it? Lisa took a deep breath and rung the doorbell. No one answered for a while. Lisa guessed Sayo was the only one home.

Just as she was going to give up, the door opened. Sayo peaked her head out.

“Hey… um, I thought I’d come check on you. Can I come in?” Lisa asked.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want you in here. Leave.” Sayo went to shut the door, but Lisa put her foot in the way.

“You haven’t spoken to anyone since we talked. Something’s going on. Just tell me.” Lisa said.

“I’m fine.”

“Then why won’t you let me in? If everything’s fine, you shouldn’t have any problem letting me inside.” Lisa stated.

Sayo was caught off guard by that statement. Lisa pushed open the door and stepped inside. Sayo backed away. Lisa looked her over. She felt a chill run up her spine as she saw something. There was no denying what the cuts on her lower arms were from.

Lisa didn’t know how to continue. This was not what she had been expecting. She had thought that Sayo was just shutting herself away. She didn’t think she’d be doing something like that.

“Sayo-“

“I don’t care. Say what you like. Nothing’s going to change.” Sayo cut her off.

“Sayo, this isn’t healthy. You need to stop.” Lisa stated.

“I don’t care.”

“It may seem like it’s helping, but I guarantee you it’s not. You’re just doing harm. This won’t solve anything.” Lisa said.

Sayo didn’t reply. She turned and walked away. Lisa chased after her. Sayo went into her room. Lisa stopped and looked around. It was a mess. Things were thrown all over the place. Lisa sighed. She regretted thinking Sayo would be fine now. It was obvious she still hadn’t gotten any better.

“Sayo, I know it’s hard. Believe me, I’m not trying to downplay your suffering, but this isn’t helping. You need to start moving forward.” Lisa said, “You can’t stay stuck in the past forever.”

“What do you know?” Sayo growled.

“She wouldn’t want this, Sayo. You should know that.” Lisa knew she was taking a risk mentioning her, but she hoped it would help.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like it was. Sayo’s eyes lit up in anger. Lisa knew she messed up.

“Don’t you dare talk about her!” Sayo threw a pillow at her.

Lisa caught it and tossed it aside. Now she understood why the room was so messy. Sayo picked up a book this time. Lisa quickly retreated into the hallway. She heard the thud of the book as it was thrown where she had just been standing moments before.

“Sayo. This isn’t doing you any good. Mentioning her shouldn’t make you mad. You should, if anything, get sad about it. Why won’t you just talk?” Lisa stayed in the hallway as she spoke.

“Leave.” Sayo growled.

“Fine. I’ll go for now. But, I’ll be back.” Lisa said.

Once she had left, Sayo relaxed a little. She stared down at her arms. Was it really not helping her? Was it just making her worse? Those thoughts started running through her head. She had listened to what Lisa was saying. Maybe she had a point.

Hina wouldn’t want this. Sayo knew that. She just didn’t want to stop. But, the more she thought about it, the more she realized how she should probably stop. Sayo looked around her room. She hadn’t realized just how bad it had gotten. She often had outbursts that ended in her throwing everything around. She didn’t think she had done that much damage.

…

Lisa didn’t want to tell the others how Sayo was truly doing. She did her best to make it seem like she was fine. She didn’t need them worrying about her too much. Not if that might result in them paying her a visit.

After another day of practice without Sayo, Lisa went to see how she was doing. She rung the doorbell and waited. It took less time for the door to open. Sayo was the one who opened it, surprising Lisa.

“Hey. I said I’d be back, so here I am.” Lisa said, “Can I come in?”

Sayo stepped back and let her walk inside. Lisa was surprised. She had thought it would turn into the same way it had been last time. Lisa looked Sayo over. She looked more presentable today. And, her scars were now covered by bandages.

“How are you doing?” Lisa asked.

“Better.”

“That’s good. Um… I know this probably isn’t the place, but, did you tell them yet?”

“No.”

“Have they asked?” Lisa asked.

“Not really. They’ve texted her a lot…” Sayo mumbled.

“Oh. You have her phone with you?” Lisa asked.

Sayo nodded. She led Lisa back to her bedroom. Lisa was shocked. It was so clean compared to before. Sayo had fixed everything up. Lisa guessed something had happened. Maybe her words did work?

Sayo picked up a phone and handed it to Lisa. Lisa opened it and looked. It was hard not to realize it was Hina’s phone. Lisa hesitantly opened the messaging app. She looked at how many people had texted her. She didn’t open any individual messages. Then it would show as read. That wasn’t something she wanted to have happen. Lisa read the most recent texts from everyone. A lot of them were just asking what was going on.

“How are you going to tell them?” Lisa asked.

“I put their numbers in my phone. I was going to make a group chat with them and ask to meet with them.” Sayo explained.

“Are you doing this alone?”

Sayo nodded, “I think it’s best I’m alone.”

“Alright. Well… good luck.” Lisa said.

…

Later that day, Sayo finally got the will to text them. She made it very brief. She just said who it was and that she’d like to meet with them to discuss Hina. They were all more than willing to agree. They set the meeting to later in the day. They’d meet up at the park and talk.

Sayo was anything but ready when the time came, though. She had no idea how she was going to do it. Should she have brought someone with her? It was too late now. She was standing before the four girls. They all looked at her with anxious and expecting eyes.

“So…” Sayo didn’t know what to say, “I’m not sure how to put this.”

“Where’s Hina?” Aya asked.

Sayo didn’t answer. She didn’t know how to answer. She started regretting doing this. She wasn’t prepared. She normally was always prepared and yet she had rushed into this.

“She’s not here anymore.” A voice said.

Sayo looked over. Lisa had somehow found them. Sayo wasn’t sure how, but she wasn’t upset about it. She regretted not accepting her offer.

“Then where is she?” Eve asked.

“She’s gone. Forever.” Sayo said.

“Huh? What do you mean? She left us without saying anything?” None of them seemed to get what Sayo was implying.

“Guys… Hina’s dead.” Lisa explained calmly.

“What!?”

“How!?”

“What happened?”

They were bombarded by questions. Lisa took the lead and got them to quiet down. Once they were silent again, she nodded to Sayo. Sayo took a deep breath. This was it.

“She killed herself.” Sayo kept it simple.

“W-What? Why?” Aya asked, tears falling down her cheeks. All of them had the same reaction.

“She felt like she was causing Sayo problems by being here, so she thought things would be better if she wasn’t around anymore.” Lisa explained it the best she could after Sayo remained silent.

“Why would she think that? She always was so happy talking about you.” Maya asked.

“I… I said something to her and… it just came out wrong…” Sayo mumbled, “I was going to apologize but, she started avoiding me.”

“Oh…”

“Are you doing okay?” Chisato asked.

“I’m getting there. It’s… tough.” Sayo mumbled.

“I bet. You blame yourself, don’t you?” Eve asked.

“I did, but I know it’s not my fault… no one who knows her well would’ve ever thought she’d do that… so, I guess I can’t say I’m to blame for not realizing that.” Sayo replied.

“I will say, you shouldn’t have snapped at her, but… her reaction was uncalled for. There’s no reason you can find to blame yourself.” Lisa nodded.

“So… what do we do now?” Aya asked, “Without Hina… what are we?”

“The same you’ve always been. She’d want us all to just go on with life. She killed herself because she felt she was dragging me down so… why’d she want us to stop doing what we’ve always done?” Sayo said, “That’s the exact opposite of why she left, after all.”

“That’s true.” Lisa agreed, “She always tried to keep everyone positive and moving forward. The least we can do is respect her wishes.”

“Yeah… thank you for telling us…” Chisato said.

“I’m sorry it took so long to tell you guys.” Sayo apologized.

“It’s fine. We understand why you took so long.”

They went their separate ways after that. Sayo and Lisa were walking together.

“How’d you know where we were meeting?” Sayo asked.

“That’s a secret.” Lisa said with a teasing smile.

“Well. See you tomorrow.”

“You’re coming back to practice?”

Sayo nodded, “I think I’m ready to.”

“Alright. Well, see you then.” Lisa smiled at her.

They parted ways for the night. Lisa was glad that things had finally gotten better. She was worried that Sayo might never recover. It was relieving to know that wasn’t what was happening.

Words sometimes really do help others.


End file.
